The wonderful story of Dave cough
by Chibi Teazer
Summary: Only read this if you are willing to assume that Osama Bin Laden owns both a bakery and a teddy bear.


This story was written during German 2003. It is as insane as it is serious. Please read and enjoy, but don't expect any great literature. And please don't hate me if you show up in the story.. (*cough* DAVE, Spong, Scott, errr Hiter? *cough*) twas a spur of the moment thing and I couldna helped it (  
  
Additional notes by Alison. ( Enjoy.  
Fiona  
  
Ann-Marie  
  
Alison  
  
Jessica Ngan  
  
Random people who decided to write a line  
  
Once upon a time, in a land far far away on the edge of a jewel encrusted toilet seat, the thing slithered out of sight. It came across a monster that had 10 arms, 20 legs and 40 eyes, and out of curiosity it ate the thing with 10 arms, 20 legs and 40 eyes and then spontaneously combusted. Meanwhile Julius Caeser was studying for a maths test when suddenly, with a bright flash and much pomp a bomb exploded and Julius Caeser died. The person who planted the bomb was Dave from Kappella. The world cheered and Dave decided to go visit Spong, who had provided him with the bomb plans. He learned that Spong had moved house, and now lived in a cave with lots of monkeys who she became friends with. The monkeys ate Spong's dinner (ping spong balls :P) so she was M-A-D!! When Dave arrived at the cave, Spong greeted him and invited him in for dessert. This was quite a lengthy and complicated affair, the details of which I won't mention, suffice to say it involved flagellation, dissection of geraniums and gymnastics in rubbish bins. Meanwhile there was another knock on the door (in a cave? Oh well) and a strong muscular Knox boy entered. "Halt!" he screamed "We will fight for Spong! On guard evil man!" The Knox boy, whoom we shall now call William Williams, stepped over to Dave and Drew (Varley :P) out a large mural of Saddam Hussein as a flower child, holding a join in one hand, peace sign in with the other. Which the paint was drying Dave screamed in fear and ran away never to return again. Meanwhile William Williams ate the rest of the cake..er.. yeas.. Meanwhile, on the other side of the Globe, Osama Bin Laden took a bath with bubbled. He got wrinkled fingers, but he didn't mind much. What he did mind was that he had lost his favourite teddy bear. So he ran out of his bathroom completely.. Er. clothed (bad mental image) yelling "Eureka!" he ran to his Bakery, where he found a fresh batch of chocolate chip cookies. He poured the tray of cookies onto the floor and stamped them into the ground  
  
In the vain hope that his teddy bear maybe trapped inside one! :O Little did he know his dear teddy had become evil! And was now gorging himself on cream buns, in the Amazon rainforest. "More. cream. buns." he managed to say in between mouthfuls. In the end of his cream bun binge he had managed to build up a TAB of 15690 buns at $2 each. You do the maths. So he got a job at St Petersburg as the baker for Anastasia and her Grandmama. He made cream buns for guests like Mulan and Pocahontas. They had a conniption and died, "BAD TEDDY BEAR!" Hitler exclaimed! There is nothing wrong with Disney! Anyway, George dubalya Bush ordered a world wide. er . bear hunt? In which Osama and Saddam took part in. The bear had no where to hide! EXCEPT in Scandinavia of course. Where he hid in a Viking boat that was docking in the sea. Meanwhile in Australia Skippy was feeling a bit sick. He had a swollen elbow. It was bloated and sickly green. Gross. As a result he had his tail amputated and did the rain dance 3 times round his hills hoist in order to cure his elbow, which had been cursed by a particular teddy running for its life. This Teddy was now running around the PLC oval at high speed trying to work off the cream buns and his new nickname of Lord of the A$$. For some strange unknown reason Dave from Kappella joined the teddy and ran around the oval. After running 10 million times they stopped by a man distributing pamphlets for Alison's Opera. They decided to go and see this opera, which was a strange mix of defenestration, detentions, doorknocking and a bit of tragedy. They thought the opera was quite interesting. So Dave checked his pocket money to see if he had enough to go again, unfortunately he only found $1 but the teddy stole it from him. He started crying so loudly that Alison heard him (over the Opera eh?). She had pity on him and donated $1 to him and money for a train ticket home. Meanwhile in Paris Madeline was engaging in a pillow fight when she spontaneously combusted. Bits of her were EVERYWHERE! In fact Dave and Teddy were enjoying a cream bun when a leg landed on their tray. But over in the North Pole two polar bears started to chase each other on the ice. The ice gave way revealing a hidden viaduct to the centre of the earth. The bears were transported there, where they found Dave and Teddy! They were dancing around in joy like long lost friends and proceeded to play a game of chess. The teddy won and beat Dave over the head with a sack of flour. Then Dave got serious brain damage and spent three days eating Mexican Jumping Beans. Fortunately for us however, Dave, being a clever fellow, noticed a thread on Teddy. So he decided to bide his time before unstitching the synthetic devil.  
  
"Komm Herr Dave!" yelled the bear, Dave in hunched style came saying "yeeess, maaasssttteeeer," the bear wanted Dave to play another game of chess and the bear ended up with 8 queens and checkmated again. The bear decided to conquer the world and turn Australia into a military dictatorship - this was revenge on Skippy who had refused to hide the teddy bear in its pouch during its flight from Osama and George dubalya Bush. Dave was absolutely terrified! So he pulled the string on the bear and he ran away, leaving the bear singing by itself (the opera Alison had before - note from Alison, ha ha. Opera. whatever!) The string made the bear go on a high and the bear began to produce weapons of mass destruction. Dave started helping him, but secretly sabotaged these weapons. However Dave didn't know much about bombs, so when he thought he was helping but cutting the fuse shorter, he was only making it worse. The Teddy got another craving for chocolate cookies, so he went to Osama's bakery and started eating the crumbs Osama had previously crunched. The bear finally lost it. His head fell off and Harry Potter appeared and vanquished him. Dave hated Harry Potter and gave him a poisonous drink which nearly killed him. Harry Potter died.  
  
However, released from his spell, the teddy bear also died, leaving Dave lonely on the planet. Dave decided to make friends with a monkey (survived from Spong's cave) and they created a plant with magical beans that gave you three wishes when you swallowed them. They were really yucky in flavour and were brown, so Dave chucked them out the window and went on his way. The next day however the teddy bear resurrected and began making more weapons of mass destruction. He got help from Dave's friend Mr Invisible Man, or MIM for short. Dave knew that MIM was actually ee-e-e-e-e- eeviviiiiiilllll. Like Saddam and. Uh Oh! MIM was teaming up with Saddam. Oh dear. tis a terrible thing. Dave knew they were making bombs together and decided to call the UN. However the UN took no notice of it but instead charged Dave of lying. Dave decided to contemplate his predicament over a cream bun from Osama's secret bakery. Unfortunately (Fiona didn't know what she was writing and thought the bun was poisoned. keep that in mind peeps) he ate it himself, but a monkey from Spong's cave sent him to a hospital where he was given two weeks to find a way to kill himself. Unfortunately for him, he couldn't kill himself because he was in a straight jacket, which Spong was forcing him to wear. He was about to scream himself to death when a police (man) came to him to tell him to shut up as the noise level was already very high. He needed to find another way to kill himself. He racked his brains to think of all the movies he'd seen, but they were all smart heroes who had kept knives stuck down their boots for just such a situation. Also driving him mad was the fact that he's fallen in love with Spong (little giggle/snort from the typer.). So Spong decided to try and help. So! She brought the EVILLEST of women to help! Ms. X (from a previous book, please read the birth and upbringing of Jessonneby for the full details) the strange, deranged person who fell in love with Captain Neptune Bone (i.e Cairo Jim books.. gotta read them too.). Ms. X cast a spell over Dave who became so violent that no one could possibly control him. Spong decided this violent aspect was very attractive and omigosh! She fell in love with him too! They both "disappeared" *wink*wink*nudge*nudge* Meanwhile Kim Clijsters was also trying to kill people. Kim then became friends with Osama Bin Laden and he killed her first. So, in the afterlife Kim haunted Osama, but at the same time tried to kill her BF Lleyton Hewitt so that she wasn't so "lonely". Her first attempt failed utterly and she decided to haunt various tennis courts around the world. Many a tennis player lost a match because suddenly two tennis balls started flying around, or their tennis racket was wrenched from their hands and started spontaneously having temper tantrums. She then tripped over a tennis ball and.. (this is Fiona again.) dies, but her BF started laughing in such a crazy way that even Osama was scared. Osama then killed Lleyton with a tommy gun BANG BANG!!!!!! (er. sorry.) and he died, funnily enough. So Kim and Lleyton lived Ghostily ever after haunting Ms X and tennis courts forever. Meanwhile Dave was singing "Oh what a beautiful morning! Oh what a beautiful day!" (this was so coincidental that it wasn't funny.. Sheesh AM! You frightening person!) He was at that time staying with Spong and their pet monkey, Boo. It started raining. They went back to the cave before it poured and it started to thunder, scaring Boo, so Boo ran away. Dave then got knocked of his high horse as Scott appeared singing that song a heckofalot better (cause well. he's a bass (). Spong immediately clobbered him over the head with an old boot and squirted him with toothpaste. Boo re- appeared and hugged Spong. The O. Bin Laden saw Boo and wanted to kill it. He made an extra explosive bomb and planted it in the cave. The bomb blew up Spong (ha ha! What a rhyme!) leaving her in places all over the world. Dave ran around the world picking her up to put her back together again. He started in France having a croissant and then fining her head in the Moulin Rouge! He then moved on to sip latte at a café. He was writing postcards home, and Spong's hand was writing too, her right hand luckily. They set off to a small village in the hills, where they were chased by a bright pink mountain goat named Sam. Sam, was staring at Dave who was staring at all the girls from the Moulin Rouge. Oh that dirty bastard! Spong's hand gave him a sharp pinch on the ear to put him in his place. He begrudgingly marched off to Germany where he found Spong's left leg.  
  
"Now you can hop!" he said, putting Spong's leg onto the rest of her. He then, feeling a bit dastardly decided to visit the re-incarnation of Adolf Hitler. He was no under cover living as a crippled butcher by the name of Hans Schiklgrüber. He was particularly irritable because he was unable to grow a moustache. He could however grow a beard but unfortunately looked distinctly like Rasputin. Dave knelt to the ground. "Oh great master Schiklgrüber! Help me destroy.." "What's that thing behind you??" he whined (his voice had never quite broken) "It's parts of my friend Spong!" "Looks like a bloody nuisance to me!" "Yes master. she is a bit of a pest." He then proceeded to "re-blow-up" Spong. He head landing on Mrs Moore's desk. What a surprise Mrs Moore had then the head, squelchingly, turned around and said "G'Day Mate!" Mrs Moore screamed and swiped the head onto the floor. Obviously Spong didn't appreciate this or the "re-blow-up". The threw a big hissy fit on the floor. Meanwhile in the Netherlands Scott was perfecting his lawn bowls technique when.  
  
As of the moment the story is unfinished. ( 


End file.
